[推荐]几个英语笑话

My dog can't read. Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog! Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers! Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read. 我的狗不识字　　布朗夫人：哦，亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！　　史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！　　布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”

weibiran · 发表于 2004-9-26 15:13:00

I Didn't See the Ditch Mike: How did you manage to crash your car? 　　　　　Jack: You see the ditch over there? 　　　　　Mike: Oh, yes. 　　　　　Jack: Well, I didn't. 　　　　　　　　　　我没看见水沟　　　　迈克：你是怎么把你的汽车撞坏的？　　　　　杰克：你看见那边那条水沟了吗？　　　　　迈克：哦，看见了。　　　　　杰克：咳，我当时可没看见。

weibiran · 发表于 2004-9-26 15:13:00

Knights and Nights Teacher: Why do we sometimes call the Middle Ages the Dark Ages? Betty: Because they had so many knights. 教师：为什么有时我们称中世纪为黑暗时代呢？　　贝蒂：因为那时有许多骑士。（英文中的骑士和夜晚同音）

weibiran · 发表于 2004-9-26 15:14:00

Three Reasons Teacher: Bob, give me three reasons why you know the Earth to be round. 　　　 Bob: 　Mum says so, Dad says so, and you say so! 　　　老师：鲍勃，说出三条理由来证实地球是圆的。　　　鲍勃：妈妈是这么说的，爸爸是这么说的，您也是这么说的！

weibiran · 发表于 2004-9-26 15:14:00

Positive Analogy I had a terrible time learning how to drive. In fact, I failed my first driving test . Sensing how bad I felt, the examiner offered a few words of encouragment. “Don’t think of it as failing,” he said.” Think of it as increasing your life-span.” 　　　　　　　　好比方我学开车可真难呀。事实上，我第一次驾驶考试就凤有通过。看我闷闷不乐的样子，考官给我几句鼓气的话。“别把它看成是失败，”他说，“把它看成能活得很长。”

weibiran · 发表于 2004-9-26 15:15:00

4 - 4 = ？ One day, the teacher inquired of Peter:" How much is four minus four?" Peter was tongue-tied. The teacher got angry and said: "What a fool! You see, if I put four coins in your pocket, but there is a hole in your pocket and all of them leak out, now what is left in your pocket?" "The hole," replied Peter. 　　　　　　　　四减四等于几？一天，老师问彼得：“4减4等于几？”彼得张口结舌答不上来。老师生气地说：“真笨！你想，我要是往你口袋里放四个硬币，而你的口袋上有个窟窿，硬币全漏掉了，那么，你衣袋里还剩下什么？” “窟窿，”彼得答道。

weibiran · 发表于 2004-9-26 15:15:00

Can't Read Angry Librarian: Please be quiet. The people near you can't read. 　　　　　 Boy: Why, they ought to be ashamed of themselves. I've been able 　　　　　　　 to read since I was six. 　　　　　　　　　　不能读书了　　　　愤怒的图书管理员：请安静，你身边的人不能读书了。　　　　男孩：他们应该害羞才是，我六岁就能读书了。

weibiran · 发表于 2004-9-26 15:16:00

I wasn't dead A young man fell into a state of coma, but recovered before his friends had buried him. One of them asked what it felt like to be dead. 　　"Dead!" he exclaimed. "I wasn't dead. And I knew I wasn't, because my feet were cold and I was hungry." 　　"But how did that make you sure?" 　　"Well, I knew that if I were in heaven I shouldn't be hungry, and if I was in the other place my feet wouldn't be cold." 我还没死 (幽默小品) 　　一个年轻人昏死了过去，但是当他的朋友们要掩埋他的时候却又苏醒过来。他的一个朋友问他死的感觉是怎样的。　　“死！”他喊道“我并没有死，我知道我没死，因为我的脚是凉的，而我又很饿。” 　　“你怎么能肯定你没死？” 　　“当然哪，我知道如果我上了天堂，我就不会觉得饿；如果我下到地狱，那我的脚就不会是凉的了。”

weibiran · 发表于 2004-9-26 15:16:00

He Wanted Two Balloons. The boy's clothing shop was giving away balloons to customers' children. One little fellow asked if he might have two. 　　　 "Sorry," the clerk said,"but we give only one balloon to each child. 　　 Do you have a brother at home?" 　　　 The youngster was always truthful , but he wanted another balloon 　　 badly. "No." he replied regretfully,"but my sister does, and I'd like one 　　 for him." 　他想要两只气球。　　　儿童服装店正在向顾客的孩子们赠送气球。其中一个小男孩问是否　　能够得到两只气球。　　　 “对不起，”售货员说，“我们只赠给每个孩子一只气球，你家里　　有弟弟吗？” 　　　　小家伙一贯很诚实，可他特别想再要一只气球。“没有”，他遗憾　　地说，“可我姐姐有个弟弟，我想给他要一只。”

weibiran · 发表于 2004-9-26 15:17:00

I don't even know that woman! A couple walking in the park noticed a young man and woman siting on a bench, passionately kissing. 　"Why don't you do that?" said the wife. 　"Honey," replied her husband, "I don't even know that woman!" 　　　　　　　　　　　　我又不认识那个女人。　　　　　　　　　　一对在公园散步的夫妇注意到坐在长凳上的那对年轻男女正在　　　热烈地接吻。　　　　“为什么你不能那样做呢？”妻子说。　　　　“亲爱的，”她丈夫回答，“我又不认识那个女人！”

weibiran · 发表于 2004-9-26 15:18:00

Nouns Teacher: A noun is the name of a person or thing. Now, who can give me a noun? First boy: A cow. Teacher: Very good. Another noun? Second boy: Another cow.

weibiran · 发表于 2004-9-26 15:18:00

Washington DC A teacher asked one of her pupils, "What's the nation's 　　capital?" 　　The reply was, "Washington DC" 　　On being asked what the "DC" stood for, the pupil added, 　　"Dot com!" 　　　　　　　　　　华盛顿DC 　　老师问一个学生：“美国首都是哪儿？” “华盛顿DC”，学生答道。　　老师又问DC代表什么，学生说：“点com。”

weibiran · 发表于 2004-9-26 15:19:00

Lost Purse A lady lost her handbag. It was found by an honest little 　　boy and returned to her. 　　Looking in her purse, she commented, "Hmmm.... That's funny. 　　When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are 　　twenty $1 bills." 　　The boy quickly replied, "That's right, lady. The last time 　　I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a 　　reward." 　　　　　　　　　　丢手提包　　一个女人丢了手提包，有一个诚实的小孩捡到后交还给了她。　　她看了看钱包，说：“嗯，这么有趣，我丢的时候里面是一张20美元，现　　在成了20张一美元。” 　　“没错，夫人。”小男孩立刻回答道，“上次我捡到钱包时，那位夫人没　　有零钱奖赏给我。”

weibiran · 发表于 2004-9-26 15:20:00

I'm Glad A teacher was telling her pupils the importance of making 　　others glad. "Now, children," said she , "has anyone of you 　　ever made someone else glad?" 　　"Teacher,"said a small boy,"I made someone glad yesterday." 　　 "Well done. Who was that?" 　　"My granny." 　　"Good boy. Now tell us how you made your grandmother glad." 　　" I went to see her yesterday, and stayed with her three 　　　hours. Then I said to her, 'Granny, I'm going home,' and she 　　said, 'Well, I'm glad'!" 　我很高兴　　一个老师在对学生讲使别人高兴的重要性。“现在，孩子们，”她说：“ 　　你们当中有谁让别人高兴过？” 　　“我，老师，”一个小男孩说：“昨天我就使别人高兴过。” 　　“做得好，是谁呢？” 　　“我奶奶。” 　　“好孩子。现在告诉我们，你是怎样使你奶奶高兴的。” 　　“是这样的，老师。我昨天去看她，在她那儿呆了三个小时。然后我跟她　　说：‘奶奶，我要回家了。’她说：‘啊，我很高兴！’”

weibiran · 发表于 2004-9-26 15:20:00

What you want is a Bertha was a very pretty girl. Quite a lot of young men wanted to marry her, but she was not satisfied with any of them. One day, a young man asked her to become his wife. She answered, "No, John, I won't marry you. I want to marry a man who is famous, who can play music, who can tell interesting stories, who does not smoke or drink , who stays at home in the evenings and who stops talking when I'm tired of listening."The young man got up, took his coat and went to the door, but before he left the house, he turned and said to Bertha, 　　"It isn't a man you're looking for. It's a television set." 　　　　　　　　　你要的是台电视机　　伯莎是个非常漂亮的姑娘。许多年轻男子都想要娶她，但他对它们却都不　　满意。　　有一天，一个年轻人请求她做他的妻子。她回答说：“不行，约翰，我不　　想嫁给你，我要嫁给一个有名的人。他会弹奏乐曲，会讲有趣的故事。他　　不抽烟也不喝酒，每天晚上都呆在家里，当我不想听时他就停止说话。” 　　年轻人站起身，拿起他的外衣朝门走去，在离开房间以前，他转身对伯莎　　说：“你要的不是一个男人，而是一台电视机。”

weibiran · 发表于 2004-9-26 15:21:00

This is her husband A guy calls the hospital. He says, "You gotta send help! My wife's going into labor!" The nurse says, "Calm down. Is this her first child?" 　　He says, "No! This is her husband 这是她的丈夫　　一个人给医院打电话，“快来帮忙！我妻子就要生小孩了。” 　护士在电话里说，“别紧张，这时她第一个孩子吗？” “不，这是她的丈夫。”

weibiran · 发表于 2004-9-26 15:22:00

Never mind A drunk phoned police to report that thieves had been in his 　　car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, even 　　the brake pedal!" he cried out. 　　However, before the police investigation could start, the 　　phone rang a second time "Never mind," the drunk said with a 　　hiccup, "I got in the back seat by mistake." 　　　　　　　　　不要紧　　一个醉汉打电话给警察局，报告小偷光顾了他的车，“他们偷走了仪表盘　　，方向盘，甚至连刹车脚板都偷走了。” 　　然而在警察还没有开始调查时，电话第二次响了起来，“没事了”，醉汉　　打着嗝说，“我不小心坐到了后坐上。”

weibiran · 发表于 2004-9-26 15:22:00

Doctor and lawyer 　　　A doctor and a lawyer in two cars collided on a country 　　road. The lawyer, seeing that the doctor was a little shaken 　　up, offered him a drink from his flask. 　　The doctor accepted and handed the flask back to the lawyer. 　　"Aren't you going to have a drink yourself?" asked the 　　　　doctor. 　　"Sure; after the police leave," replied the lawyer. 　　你看明白了吗？：）　　　　　　　医生与律师　　一个医生与一个律师在乡间路上撞了车，律师看医生受了点惊吓，就把酒　　瓶递给他。　　医生喝了一口，把酒瓶递回律师。　　“你不自己喝一口吗？”医生问。　　“我会的，不过要等警察走了以后。”律师回答。

weibiran · 发表于 2004-9-26 15:23:00

Make it nine months 　"Mr. Clark, I'm afraid I have bad news," the doctor told his 　　patient. "You only have six months to live." 　　The man sat in stunned silence for the next several minutes. 　　"I can't possibly pay you in that time." 　　"Okay," the doctor said, "let's make it nine months." 　　　　　　　　　九个月吧　“克拉克先生，有个坏消息，你只有六个月可活了。”医生告诉他的病人。　　病人惊呆了。“六个月我不可能付清医疗费。” 　　“好吧，”医生说，“那就九个月吧。”

感觉 · 发表于 2004-9-26 22:19:00

搞笑！

[推荐]几个英语笑话

精华导读

推荐阅读

资讯排行